party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
