I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
