Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
