She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
BRING THE BAGELS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
