I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
