I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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