Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
