I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
