seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
