You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize