sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
