did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
