Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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