Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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