I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
