yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
