Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
