What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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