Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
