you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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