her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
