i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
