I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
