Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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