At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
