i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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