I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
