dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
