sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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