We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
