who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
