doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
