I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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