Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
