I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
