dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drunk is not a location!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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