He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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