I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
