Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
