Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
