Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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