My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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