She announced her abortion via fbk
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.