I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
