this beer tastes like vomit already
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS