My friends, they love my intelligence
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Please don't give away my fajitas
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
