You made me cry and you don't even care
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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