Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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