I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
