I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
