Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
