Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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