when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
