I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
