Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
