This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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