you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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