Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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