if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
