Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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