just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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