i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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