i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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