It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
