Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
