a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
