Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
