my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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