I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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