I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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