i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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