I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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