I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
