today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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