Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
