Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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