my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize